The Starving Games (Cert: 12 — Runtime: 79mins — UK Release: 16/09/2013)
So The Fog has dissipated and left us all with horrible memories of just how crap some films can be. However, not all films are terrible. I know, that's a shocking revelation to you but it's true. If you ever check out the number 1 film on the IMDB Top 250 list you will see The Shawshank Redemption. That film is truly excellent and worthy of a 10/10 score in my view. Then you get films that are in the middle like The Hunger Games which I gave a 5.5/10 to. Hmm, Hunger... You know when people are very hungry and haven't eaten anything they say that they are starving... SAY! COULD THIS BE SOME KIND OF LONG WINDED LINK TO THE FILM????
The Starving Games has a 3.3/10 rating on IMDB. I wonder what sort of film it could be with such a serious title. I mean people starving is not a nice thing is it so I'm betting it's some kind of powerful drama that will captivate my attention right from the get go! PLAY ON!
Viewing Comments:
Well, the main character is called Kantmiss. That's soooo witty. She shoots an arrow off after her friend surprises her and hits the wizard of Oz. He fulls down from his balloon and starts bitching about his back. It's great!
WHAT? 3 kids dressed as Harry Potter and co. come along and a guard breaks his wand and says "Your movie franchise is over. Back in line". This is a parody? This is funny?? I guess?????
I have no words.. Seriously, the jokes in this film are like standing in front of a machine gun in the speed they come out. It's a shame that they all MISS LIKE A BITCH! Totally unfunny. It's been 10 minutes and there have been around 300 "jokes".
So all of the "actors" and "actresses" in this crap film are all giving a 1 figure salute in a film that deserves just that.Poetic justice!
So we are currently in the pre show part of the Hunger Games but of course much more stupid. It's time for KANTMISS EVERSHOT! And after a simply amazing intro video for her she's doing the spin thing that she does that makes the flame effect happen but of course now she's running around on fire. The effects are making The Fog's look A+
So they have shown an iPhone and an iPad so far in this film. I don't like Apple but I would sue these fuckers for putting my tech in this shitload of fuck.
Battle has commenced now and one of guys is screaming a lot and a guy just got wedgie'd in half (With a highly impressive effect I might add). And a guy just got hit in the nuts with a cannonball so they replay it over and over in slow motion because IZ FUNNIE!
An Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja reference..... For fucks sake! It can't get any lower.... right?
We are at the bit where she is sitting up the tree and they are waiting for her below. So she does her little whistle and a bird shits all over her. It's funnier than you might expect! In a sort of not at all way.
This film is so clever that it has found a seamless way to link the Hunger Games with Avatar! Trust me, you cannot find fault with this part!
I still have over 35 minutes to go. I don't know if I can make it! This is definitely giving Miss Castaway a run for it's money. NO! I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED AGAIN BY SHIT! Bring your worst film!
"The 600,000 calorie triple bypass burger"..... I have no clever remark. I don't have ANY remark. If you ever see this film you will understand. Otherwise, be glad you don't.
It's the part where they hole up in the cave and for some reason Gandalf is here now..... ANOTHER SEAMLESS LINK! Twice in the same film! Just too good baby.
THREE TIMES! Expendables link now! How do they do it?
So she just fired a baguette into the guys eye and killed him. It's not exactly Hot Shots Part Deux's chicken shot as in that was funny and this was shit.
Avengers link. Why not?? And now with 10 minutes still left on the running time let's look at the film's bloopers! I KNOW THESE WILL BE FUNNY AS SHIT!
Summary:
1 hour and 10 minutes. That was how long the film ran for until the blooper reel came on. So, what's the story behind the Starving Games? Well, it loosely follows the Hunger Games for the whole duration whilst adding in little jokes and stuff about other films and stuff. So, let's start with what was good. What I enjoyed.
...................Why are you reading this paragraph? I said this was for good stuff that I enjoyed. THERE IS NO GOOD HERE! There isn't even mediocre. Fuck, there isn't even bad. No, let's get to what's terrible about it instead.
The acting is terrible, the actor's and actresses are terrible, the writing is terrible, the special effects are terrible, the jokes are terrible. Basically everything you can think of is terrible. For 70 minutes you are subjected to joke, joke, joke,joke,jokejokejokejokejokejokekoejekoekejeojejeokek until you cannot even fathom what the hell is going on anymore. If any of the jokes actually hit it would be something but every single one misses by a country mile. There is nothing of any value here and that includes the blooper reel which is basically them messing up their lines and laughing about it for about 5 minutes.
Rating:
0.0/10
So The Fog has dissipated and left us all with horrible memories of just how crap some films can be. However, not all films are terrible. I know, that's a shocking revelation to you but it's true. If you ever check out the number 1 film on the IMDB Top 250 list you will see The Shawshank Redemption. That film is truly excellent and worthy of a 10/10 score in my view. Then you get films that are in the middle like The Hunger Games which I gave a 5.5/10 to. Hmm, Hunger... You know when people are very hungry and haven't eaten anything they say that they are starving... SAY! COULD THIS BE SOME KIND OF LONG WINDED LINK TO THE FILM????
The Starving Games has a 3.3/10 rating on IMDB. I wonder what sort of film it could be with such a serious title. I mean people starving is not a nice thing is it so I'm betting it's some kind of powerful drama that will captivate my attention right from the get go! PLAY ON!
Viewing Comments:
Well, the main character is called Kantmiss. That's soooo witty. She shoots an arrow off after her friend surprises her and hits the wizard of Oz. He fulls down from his balloon and starts bitching about his back. It's great!
WHAT? 3 kids dressed as Harry Potter and co. come along and a guard breaks his wand and says "Your movie franchise is over. Back in line". This is a parody? This is funny?? I guess?????
I have no words.. Seriously, the jokes in this film are like standing in front of a machine gun in the speed they come out. It's a shame that they all MISS LIKE A BITCH! Totally unfunny. It's been 10 minutes and there have been around 300 "jokes".
So all of the "actors" and "actresses" in this crap film are all giving a 1 figure salute in a film that deserves just that.Poetic justice!
So we are currently in the pre show part of the Hunger Games but of course much more stupid. It's time for KANTMISS EVERSHOT! And after a simply amazing intro video for her she's doing the spin thing that she does that makes the flame effect happen but of course now she's running around on fire. The effects are making The Fog's look A+
So they have shown an iPhone and an iPad so far in this film. I don't like Apple but I would sue these fuckers for putting my tech in this shitload of fuck.
Battle has commenced now and one of guys is screaming a lot and a guy just got wedgie'd in half (With a highly impressive effect I might add). And a guy just got hit in the nuts with a cannonball so they replay it over and over in slow motion because IZ FUNNIE!
An Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja reference..... For fucks sake! It can't get any lower.... right?
We are at the bit where she is sitting up the tree and they are waiting for her below. So she does her little whistle and a bird shits all over her. It's funnier than you might expect! In a sort of not at all way.
This film is so clever that it has found a seamless way to link the Hunger Games with Avatar! Trust me, you cannot find fault with this part!
I still have over 35 minutes to go. I don't know if I can make it! This is definitely giving Miss Castaway a run for it's money. NO! I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED AGAIN BY SHIT! Bring your worst film!
"The 600,000 calorie triple bypass burger"..... I have no clever remark. I don't have ANY remark. If you ever see this film you will understand. Otherwise, be glad you don't.
It's the part where they hole up in the cave and for some reason Gandalf is here now..... ANOTHER SEAMLESS LINK! Twice in the same film! Just too good baby.
THREE TIMES! Expendables link now! How do they do it?
So she just fired a baguette into the guys eye and killed him. It's not exactly Hot Shots Part Deux's chicken shot as in that was funny and this was shit.
Avengers link. Why not?? And now with 10 minutes still left on the running time let's look at the film's bloopers! I KNOW THESE WILL BE FUNNY AS SHIT!
Summary:
1 hour and 10 minutes. That was how long the film ran for until the blooper reel came on. So, what's the story behind the Starving Games? Well, it loosely follows the Hunger Games for the whole duration whilst adding in little jokes and stuff about other films and stuff. So, let's start with what was good. What I enjoyed.
...................Why are you reading this paragraph? I said this was for good stuff that I enjoyed. THERE IS NO GOOD HERE! There isn't even mediocre. Fuck, there isn't even bad. No, let's get to what's terrible about it instead.
The acting is terrible, the actor's and actresses are terrible, the writing is terrible, the special effects are terrible, the jokes are terrible. Basically everything you can think of is terrible. For 70 minutes you are subjected to joke, joke, joke,joke,jokejokejokejokejokejokekoejekoekejeojejeokek until you cannot even fathom what the hell is going on anymore. If any of the jokes actually hit it would be something but every single one misses by a country mile. There is nothing of any value here and that includes the blooper reel which is basically them messing up their lines and laughing about it for about 5 minutes.
Rating:
0.0/10