The Hottie & The Nottie (Cert: 12 — Runtime: 89mins — UK Release: 19/06/2008)
There comes a time in everyone's life where they have a choice to make. Do you take the easy option or the hard option? Now, I can't make up my mind on the one choice about a film about a certain type of insect but I have on another choice that has come up. The easy way would be to walk away and never think about it again. But DAMN IT I am going the hard way on this time because it's time!
So Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you a film that was nominated for WORST PICTURE, WORST DIRECTOR and WORST SCREENPLAY and that won WORST ACTRESS and WORST SCREEN COUPLE. It resides at number 2 on IMDB's WORST films list with a 1.8 out of 10. Starring the one and only Paris Hilton.
THIS..... IS..... THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE! HOLY SHIT HELP ME NOW!!
Viewing Comments:
So Paris plays a girl called Cristabel and the main actor guy voice over's saying he's basically loved her since he first met her when he was 6. Now it's 20 years later "somewhere in Maine". His current girlfriend hits him with his guitar and then runs out with her drawer of stuff. And now she has run him over. Hilarity is ensuing baby!
Now we are "somewhere in Los Angeles" now. VAGUE PLACE LOCATIONS ARE FUNNY!
It says someone else wrote this film but the fact that it's basically a film about how hot the main girl Cristabel is compared to everyone else, I believe the writer's true initials are actually P.H.
How slow does she run? Seriously, she is running and the guy is walking moderately fast and keeping pace with her no problem. She has a stalker too but he's harmless apparently just like all the other stalkers out there.
Ok, the KILLER plot seems to be that he could never get over seeing her all those years ago so he goes to find her. It turns out that she lives with a girl called June who is THE NOTTIE. And THE HOTTIE will not date anyone until THE NOTTIE has a boyfriend too. So now he has to find someone for her. MOVE OVER SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION! YOU HAVE BEEN BURIED BY A SUPERIOR PLOT!!!!
Words can't explain what the fuck I'm watching. It's meant to be a comedy. I keep having to remind myself of that fact. He put up a flier and got a guy to date her. Of course, he's SOOO repulsed by her that he keeps trying to run off. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE YEAH!
I'm about a third of the way through this film now. So far I've laughed.... 0 times. I feel my luck is gonna change though! Although, them showing him a picture of Cristabel and then electric shocking him for aversion therapy is not really helping.
So this other guy has suddenly appeared and is being nice to her room mate. My guess is he's only doing it to get with Cristabel. Could I be wrong? Do I care?
So this new guy is called Johan and he's a harvard graduate, a dentist, a model and a pilot! I so believe this would be possible!
HMMMMM. HE SEEMS TO BE GETTING ON WELL WITH THE NOTTIE! THIS IS A TOTALLY UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS! I NEVER SAW THIS COMING!!!!
So the nottie has had a lot of work done on her including teeth, hair, pretty much everything. And now she's talking to him about how he can get back with Cristabel after he acted like an ass ALTHOUGH she now obviously likes him.
So now he's found someone for her friend June that being the Johan guy so now Cristabel is willing to be with him. Will he stand for that when he quite obviously seems to June now? Will he try to stop her from being with Johan? Will he stay with Cristabel regardless? WILL THIS FILM EVER END??
Summary:
I'm scared. As I sit and type this up I can honestly say that and mean it. For the past hour and a half I have sat and watched a film that is ranked number 2 in the all time WORST list. 1.8/10. Look at that score... Let's break this film down quickly.
The main guy is called Nate. He has a crush on Cristabel and it seems to be ruining his love life 20 years on. He goes out of his way to find her again and discovers she lives with her best friend who is a nottie which the film defines as the opposite of being a hottie. Cristabel won't date him unless he can help her friend June get a boyfriend. Let's just say that after a load of stuff he does get her one but it's himself. Sorry to spoil it to all hell for you but hey, there you go.
Stunningly, this film is NOT the worst film I've ever seen. And the actual scary part is that it's not even close to being the worst I've seen. It's true I didn't laugh one time during watching it and the whole message of the film (Beauty is skin deep or in the eye of the beholder, you know the kind of thing) is pretty warped BUT I don't actively hate it. It's true that it's kind of a vanity thing for Paris Hilton but I am genuinely stunned that I wasn't even that bothered by her performance. She's not a good actress or anything but I've seen worse.
The film has it's flaws and they are many but I kind of like the main character and the best friend. When they are talking together after she gets some work done on herself the interplay between the 2 seemed quite natural and easy going. I never want to watch it again though because even though the film clocked in under an hour and half, it did feel longer and when there are no laughs to be had, it's never a good sign. So yes, the film is harshly rated and that may be partly as everyone seems to go "Paris Hilton's in it! 1/10!!" but I can't go that low. Even the 1.8 is too low! I just thank the lord it wasn't as bad as Miss Castaway and the Island Girls.
Rating:
2.5/10
There comes a time in everyone's life where they have a choice to make. Do you take the easy option or the hard option? Now, I can't make up my mind on the one choice about a film about a certain type of insect but I have on another choice that has come up. The easy way would be to walk away and never think about it again. But DAMN IT I am going the hard way on this time because it's time!
So Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you a film that was nominated for WORST PICTURE, WORST DIRECTOR and WORST SCREENPLAY and that won WORST ACTRESS and WORST SCREEN COUPLE. It resides at number 2 on IMDB's WORST films list with a 1.8 out of 10. Starring the one and only Paris Hilton.
THIS..... IS..... THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE! HOLY SHIT HELP ME NOW!!
Viewing Comments:
So Paris plays a girl called Cristabel and the main actor guy voice over's saying he's basically loved her since he first met her when he was 6. Now it's 20 years later "somewhere in Maine". His current girlfriend hits him with his guitar and then runs out with her drawer of stuff. And now she has run him over. Hilarity is ensuing baby!
Now we are "somewhere in Los Angeles" now. VAGUE PLACE LOCATIONS ARE FUNNY!
It says someone else wrote this film but the fact that it's basically a film about how hot the main girl Cristabel is compared to everyone else, I believe the writer's true initials are actually P.H.
How slow does she run? Seriously, she is running and the guy is walking moderately fast and keeping pace with her no problem. She has a stalker too but he's harmless apparently just like all the other stalkers out there.
Ok, the KILLER plot seems to be that he could never get over seeing her all those years ago so he goes to find her. It turns out that she lives with a girl called June who is THE NOTTIE. And THE HOTTIE will not date anyone until THE NOTTIE has a boyfriend too. So now he has to find someone for her. MOVE OVER SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION! YOU HAVE BEEN BURIED BY A SUPERIOR PLOT!!!!
Words can't explain what the fuck I'm watching. It's meant to be a comedy. I keep having to remind myself of that fact. He put up a flier and got a guy to date her. Of course, he's SOOO repulsed by her that he keeps trying to run off. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE YEAH!
I'm about a third of the way through this film now. So far I've laughed.... 0 times. I feel my luck is gonna change though! Although, them showing him a picture of Cristabel and then electric shocking him for aversion therapy is not really helping.
So this other guy has suddenly appeared and is being nice to her room mate. My guess is he's only doing it to get with Cristabel. Could I be wrong? Do I care?
So this new guy is called Johan and he's a harvard graduate, a dentist, a model and a pilot! I so believe this would be possible!
HMMMMM. HE SEEMS TO BE GETTING ON WELL WITH THE NOTTIE! THIS IS A TOTALLY UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS! I NEVER SAW THIS COMING!!!!
So the nottie has had a lot of work done on her including teeth, hair, pretty much everything. And now she's talking to him about how he can get back with Cristabel after he acted like an ass ALTHOUGH she now obviously likes him.
So now he's found someone for her friend June that being the Johan guy so now Cristabel is willing to be with him. Will he stand for that when he quite obviously seems to June now? Will he try to stop her from being with Johan? Will he stay with Cristabel regardless? WILL THIS FILM EVER END??
Summary:
I'm scared. As I sit and type this up I can honestly say that and mean it. For the past hour and a half I have sat and watched a film that is ranked number 2 in the all time WORST list. 1.8/10. Look at that score... Let's break this film down quickly.
The main guy is called Nate. He has a crush on Cristabel and it seems to be ruining his love life 20 years on. He goes out of his way to find her again and discovers she lives with her best friend who is a nottie which the film defines as the opposite of being a hottie. Cristabel won't date him unless he can help her friend June get a boyfriend. Let's just say that after a load of stuff he does get her one but it's himself. Sorry to spoil it to all hell for you but hey, there you go.
Stunningly, this film is NOT the worst film I've ever seen. And the actual scary part is that it's not even close to being the worst I've seen. It's true I didn't laugh one time during watching it and the whole message of the film (Beauty is skin deep or in the eye of the beholder, you know the kind of thing) is pretty warped BUT I don't actively hate it. It's true that it's kind of a vanity thing for Paris Hilton but I am genuinely stunned that I wasn't even that bothered by her performance. She's not a good actress or anything but I've seen worse.
The film has it's flaws and they are many but I kind of like the main character and the best friend. When they are talking together after she gets some work done on herself the interplay between the 2 seemed quite natural and easy going. I never want to watch it again though because even though the film clocked in under an hour and half, it did feel longer and when there are no laughs to be had, it's never a good sign. So yes, the film is harshly rated and that may be partly as everyone seems to go "Paris Hilton's in it! 1/10!!" but I can't go that low. Even the 1.8 is too low! I just thank the lord it wasn't as bad as Miss Castaway and the Island Girls.
Rating:
2.5/10